Spring Birdhouse
what do you think about this poem?
It is a translation of Persian Poem.I translated it . ( I am not native English speaker 
)
Groan, O ye daybreak bird, refresh my grief more
With sparkle sigh, Break and devastate this birdhouse
O Prisoner nightingale! Come out from the corner of the birdhouse; sing the freedom song of humanity
And with the breath fill up this hill of dust with the sparkle
Cruel’s cruelty, hunter’s injustice desolate my nest
ا
O’ God, o’ sphere, o’ nature! Change our gloomy night to bright day
It is the beginning of the spring, it is the time of flowering, my eyes as cloud are rainstorm.
ا
This birdhouse like my heart is narrow and dim
O’ burning sighs! Fan the flame inside the nest
Nature’s hand! Don’t pick my life’s flower
O’ ye fresh flower! Look at the lover more than this
Lovelorn bird! Shorten, shorten the narration of separation.
Good effort. What is cruel’s cruelty? This is like saying the milk’s milky. ‘Ye’ is very old fashioned diction. It means ‘you’, but expressions like ‘You daybreak bird” are pretty much dead. As in many languages the subject can be understood without having to spell it out. In English we use this most in the imperative mood, ie. commands. When an officer yells out to troops, “Fire!” we know that he means the soldiers are to start firing.
I have several other comments and suggestions to make. If you write to me I will offer more. I only wish I could read Persian!
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